In Leviticus 18, God presents his people with boundaries. Leviticus 18 is a list of prohibited kinds of sexual relationship. The list makes sense – it’s a set of prohibitions that are generally agreed upon even within our culture. But there’s a subtext to the list, presented in the very first prohibition, that introduces an ethic that we’re quick to overlook: You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices.
We don’t have too much difficulty eschewing the unusual or obscene acts detailed in Leviticus 18. What is difficult for God’s people today is adhering to a set of sexual ethics that is distinct from those of the culture in which we’re immersed.
A number of forms of sexual expression that are considered normal throughout our culture were identified as aberrant and forbidden for the people of God in the Old Testament. Homosexuality is one, and it gets an undue amount of press within evangelical circles. The church is tragically silent on sexual sins that are a much bigger problem for a far greater percentage of Christians. One is sexual intimacy before or outside of marriage. Another is the use of fantasy as a substitute for intimacy within marriage. For men this often takes the form of pornography, or sexually explicit imagery in magazines, TV shows, and movies. For women it can take the form of literature, media, or online relationships that may not seem overtly sexual, but offer an imagined intimacy that falls outside of the work and obligation of a real relationship.
At the heart of God’s prohibitions about sex is an exhortation to reserve sex for the purpose it was intended to serve: to deepen the intimate connection between a man and woman who have committed their lives to each other.
This sounds prudish – old-fashioned and confining. In some ways it is. Sex has the potential to be very pleasurable. And the pleasure of sex is a secondary benefit to its primary purpose. When treated primarily as means of pleasure, sex becomes something it wasn’t meant to be. And it does damage. It divides married couples. It produces relationships in which one or both parties are used or degraded. It diminishes people’s capacities to form and maintain lasting commitments. And it compounds the sinful tendency to see the world through the lens of one’s own desires and needs, whatever the cost to someone else.
God gave people the gift of making certain essential physical acts pleasurable. Each pleasurable act serves a greater purpose than pleasure itself. Sex is no exception. The primary purpose of sex is not just “for procreation only.” It’s intimacy. In the right context, sex both expresses and intensifies the connection between two people. But the right context is a committed, lifelong relationship in which both partners give, sacrifice, and do the hard work of making a life together. Within God’s design, there’s no such thing as “no strings attached” sex. It comes at a cost. Sex is costly whether you enjoy it within or outside of the context of marriage. God demands that we enjoy sex in such a way that we embrace the full cost: that is, responsibility to, and for, the person we’ve partnered with for life.
What we rarely talk about when we talk about sex and the Christian life is that sex itself is a temporary substitute. God in his grace gives us the possibility of intimacy here and now that is like a preview of the intimacy we’ll know in eternity. But our intimate union in eternity will not be with the husband or wife we’ve enjoyed on earth. It will be with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. It will also be with all those people who have entered glory through him. Our union in glory will not be sexual. But it will be a kind of soul connection that is only approximated by the closest marriages on earth. Marriage is one of the predominant metaphors the Bible gives for our relationship with God. Like marriage, God’s love for us is self-giving, self-sacrificial, and deeply intimate. God knows us through and through. God knows our flaws and weaknesses, the areas of our deepest hurt and shame and fear. And God embraces us with open arms. It costs God to love us this way. God sticks with us through the long haul, and continually opens his heart to us in spite of the ways we disappoint him. In the best marriages you can catch a glimpse of this kind of love. But the union of marital intimacy is only a shadow of the intimacy we’ll know in eternity.
Finally, it’s the promise of this perfect intimacy that gives us the patience and strength to live with any unrequited need we have now. For those who aren’t married and can’t imagine how to live without sex, God promises a future intimacy that’s far more complete. For those who are frustrated or unfulfilled within their marriages, God promises an ultimate fulfillment that will make up for any disappointment. It is on the basis of his promises that God demands that his people not give in to the instincts and pleasures and practices indulged by their neighbors. If you trust God’s promises, then you can wait; you can abstain; you can persevere. If you don’t trust God’s promises, then you’re on your own. Live however you want. But don’t keep coming back to God demanding the benefits of a relationship for which you’ve been unwilling to face the cost.
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